Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
