Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
