His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
