Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
