That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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