guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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