Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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