If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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