So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
