i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
