Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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