she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
