Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
