All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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