1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
