i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
