what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
