She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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