went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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