i think my mom watched the whole time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
