I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
