It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
