Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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