Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
