Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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