you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
