life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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