please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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