U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I love you.
Bad choice
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
