Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
