It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize