i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
