omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
