he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
