just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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