I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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