Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
