covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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