Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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