good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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