pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
3pm strippers are depressing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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