Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
