I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
