In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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