Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
