God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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