Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
