So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
