I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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