Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
