The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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