you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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