what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
