My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
