do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
