There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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