census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
