The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
