Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
