What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
