She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
