youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
