after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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