She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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