i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
