What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
