I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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