mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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