so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
