i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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