I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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