Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I see more hoeing in ur future
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