margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
