you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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