Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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