carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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