dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize