Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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