We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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