He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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