the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
