apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
