Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
