afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
