I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
