guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
