It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
