did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
