I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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