No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
