If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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