Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
