I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
