Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
