just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
