she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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