I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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