I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
