She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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